Always ask the pro
Ten days ago or so, I asked Laura Anne Gilman if she could crit Exile’s blurb for me. She generously agreed to do so for free. Today I got the blurb back, and I am very happy that I asked her. The blurb is much better now.
The old version:
As long as Gwyneth can remember she and her mother has been trapped in a silent tug of war about her future. Her Mother wants her become a full-fledged Priestess of Gwynfar. Gwyneth isn’t certain want she wants to do in the future but she knows she doesn’t want to devote the rest of her life to Gwynfar. Now her 150th birthday is approaching, which means she will be an adult. She can almost taste the freedom when she eavesdrop on a conversation between her Mother and another priestess. It is then she realises that her Mother will never let her go. Unless she steps through the portal to another realm.
The new version:
Gwyneth has no desire to devote the rest of her life to being a Priestess of Gwynfar, no matter what plans her mother has made. But as her birthday approaches, marking the moment when she becomes an adult – and must choose – another option suddenly appears. She can escape her mother – and her destiny – by stepping through the portal into another world….
Only to find that destiny has a tendency to follow.
I have already changed the blurb at Publit, so it should show up at retailers soon. It will be really interesting to see how sales are affected.